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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
CRIPPLETRON!'s InsaneJournal:
| Friday, June 12th, 2009 | |
| 2:49 am | Uhhhhh I didn't take it. |
| Wednesday, November 26th, 2008 | |
| 11:43 pm | Follow the weird naked indian! |
| Sunday, November 9th, 2008 | |
| 12:43 am | I feel lonely. Not physically. Emotionally. I tried calling directory assistance but that didn't help. It used to help and sometimes it does but this time it really didn't. I smoked a lot today so that might be adding to it. I tried to cheer myself up. Doesn't work. Just flat on my back on the floor under my bed. I can't do any of this. I don't even know what I mean I just know that I cannot do it. my doctor wants me to start going to a support group again but I can't hang out with them either. They were all active before and they had lives and directions and now they're just trying to find a way to get back on track and get to that life again but I didn't have one so now I have to figure that out first because I can't live on disability my whole life. I can't do nothing my whole life I need to do something but I don't know what. I've just...I dunno I've never been good at anything. That and I'm crazy and its freakouts like this that a boss hates. I just I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. It's just one of those down days or weeks or months and it's giving me that sick feeling. Like physically actually sick and emotionally alone and I'm just cold and I hate this feeling so fucking much. when am I gonna be done with depression. |
| Wednesday, November 5th, 2008 | |
| 11:18 pm | Just so everyone knows, cancer sucks. Just so everyone knows, paralysis sucks a little bit MORE you big pussy. Just so everyone knows, I don't care, cancer still isn't fun. At least you can, you know, GET BETTER, and you CAN WALK. You didn't really walk much to begin with anyways An, you have to admit that. You kind of lounged. And smoked. And then rode somewhere on your motorcycle. And then you lounged some more, and smoked some more. I JUMPED A LOT. Every morning for breakfast, down three stories. How did you not end up paralysed before? I'M VERY Resilient. FUCK OFF GOTH. GO BACK TO YOUR CANCER AND YOUR SLOWLY DYING. I'll go back to my CONSTANT PAIN. Now now boys, you're both completely fucked up and I'm very sorry for it. Can we not do this at dinner? Fine, Dad. Sorry. FUCK OFF GOTH. |
| Tuesday, October 14th, 2008 | |
| 10:57 pm | UM. CAN SOMEONE PUT MY FINGERTIPS BACK ON? I FEEL LIKE THE BASS PLAYER FROM SABBATH. OR WE COULD JUST CUT OFF MY ENTIRE ARM AND I COULD PLAY DRUMS. OH MY GOD LET'S DO THAT. |
| Sunday, September 21st, 2008 | |
| 10:15 pm | SHUT UP, THIS IS MY SHOW. |
| Saturday, August 9th, 2008 | |
| 12:10 am | [ink blot] [ink smear] cocka HA! diddly dooooo |
| Saturday, July 5th, 2008 | |
| 9:52 pm | The internet just helped me realize how incredibly fake my life is. It does seem fake, doesn't it? I mean, okay, follow me here: • I'm foreign to most people. Most of the internet seems to be American, and I'm living in Finland, while my parents are Lithuanian and Russian and we have places there. • I know something like 800 languages. No joke. Who actually knows that many languages? • Second of ten kids, three of which are triplets, two of which are twins. • Not only am I Lithuanian and Russian and live in Finland, but I went to school in Scotland and I've travelled the world. • Despite being Lithuanian and Russian, living in Finland, and going to school in Scotland, I'm pretty Americanized. Couldn't be the constant barrage American media. Never. • My parents are Lithuanian and Russian but my last name is hyphenated and I have no patronymic because my parents are a little more Anglicized. • I'm manic-depressive and take medication for it, and have attempted suicide several times. And my brother's bipolar, and so's my dad. So it's a crazy ass fucking family. • I'm bisexual, which seems to be "cool", but I have a girlfriend, as is my dad, though he's married and has ten kids, while my brother is openly gay, which just makes me connect to the "real" gay kids. • My dad's a rock star. Seriously. • I'm pretty honest about the fact that I use drugs while on my medication. It doesn't react all that well sometimes. But oh well. • Oh yeah, I was in a massive motorcycle accident a year and a half ago and can't walk. I go into the hospital a lot too, which isn't supposed to be normal, but I also use drugs on my medication like I said up there and they don't react well, and my dad's a rock star like I said up there and I think my parents would like to like find a way to help me. • I don't know as much about my paraplegia as I should. I'm a t5-t6 paraplegic. No clue what that meant for like six months. Basically, I just found my story on some lj fakers community. It's kind of hilarious and it looks like I have lots of inconsistencies in my "story" but I kind of just want to make my story sound even worse to them. Like now tell them my name is short for Anthony, not Azuolas, and I'm really a t8 paraplegic. What else can I tell them? I should tell them my girlfriend's pregnant too, since no one's brought that up and that'll make them suspect it even more. |
| Friday, June 13th, 2008 | |
| 8:41 pm | Happy birthday kid. |
| Wednesday, June 4th, 2008 | |
| 5:23 am |  don't worry. just don't. |
| Wednesday, May 14th, 2008 | |
| 3:35 pm | Tank gave me a job at her juice bar! At least I know she won't fire me for missing a month's worth of work in three months. |
| Tuesday, May 6th, 2008 | |
| 12:03 am | I think I gained weight. |
| Wednesday, April 16th, 2008 | |
| 3:48 pm | |
| Friday, March 28th, 2008 | |
| 1:45 am | [handwriting is a little crooked and changes angles at least once] um...so I fell out of bed, and when I tried to pull myself back up, my left arm wasn't working anymore. pirate isn't wakeing up and I think I kind of need all the limbs I can get here. uh. can anyone help me? before I lose use of my right arm? |
| Monday, March 24th, 2008 | |
| 10:29 pm | If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. |
| Sunday, February 24th, 2008 | |
| 5:17 pm | I CAN HAVE SEX! |
| Wednesday, February 20th, 2008 | |
| 1:06 am | I guess it's a sign of how long it's been since I've actually visited the States, but everything's just so much more...accessible here. London's kind of a fucking nightmare. Half the shops have fucking steps leading up to them, none of the Underground stations are accessible, I've seen all of one bus that is, and Lithuania's a whole new story. Half the buildings are fucking ancient, so they aren't built for wheelchair accessibility, and when they do stick something up there for the cripples, half the time you still have to climb up a step to get to it. I mean, I can knock on a window or just shout and throw things to get people to listen to me, and most of the time they're all chipper and friendly about it, but for the love of fuck, it's so much easier here. It's like they almost care about my health and happiness. |
| Tuesday, February 12th, 2008 | |
| 1:20 am | Well that job didn't last very long. After I burn off the rest of my sick leave, at least I get disability. |
| Saturday, February 2nd, 2008 | |
| 1:40 am | So we're still at the hospital from when we went in on Wednesday for Ani's procedure. He had a few complications and he had to be put under at first, then there were a few more complications, this time a little bigger. When all was said and done, and Stasy and I had been sitting in the hospital for ages, we were told he would be just fine, and that he could probably be released within the next couple of days. And then Stasy said that was good, because she was going into labour. It's a good thing Ani decided to pull through, or else there would be no new babies. ( photos photos everywhere! ) |
| Monday, January 28th, 2008 | |
| 1:31 am | Wednesday morning, I go in for part two of my procedures. Wish me luck. |